some days i see a penny on the ground but i pass it by because i figure other people could use the luck more than me
some days all i want to do is eat bread. and cereal. and pasta. and say screw it if carbs make you fat.
some days i'll wake up and turn on the shower before i realize it's the middle of the night.
some days i wonder if there really is life outside of the box i've been shut in.
some days i wonder if there is much life inside the box, either.
some days i dream of dark wood floors, starched white bedsheets, creamy walls and gauzy curtains. a pristine bedroom in a tiny apartment dangling above a dirty city that promises to swallow me whole.
some days i curl up in a chair and spend the day reading childhood favorites because i'm just too tired to worry about the future right then.
some days i buy fancy makeup only to put it on once, hate it, and never wear it again.
and some days i would be embarrassed to admit how often this happens.
some days i go through conversations in my head that i know i'll never have simply because i want to see how they would've played out.
some days i do absolutely nothing besides listen to music for hours.
some days i just listen the same song on repeat.
some days i cry for no reason. but more days i laugh out loud at random memories. some days this gets me awkward glances. but occasionally someone will smile as if they wish they had something to laugh at that day, too.
some days i'm not sure if anyone in the world actually knows anything, me most of all. but then i question if knowing you don't know anything is a form of knowing in itself. and then i wonder why i'm thinking about this at all.
some days the most basic of tasks seem foreign to me, as if by being so normal they've suddenly becoming confusing.
some days i briefly entertain crazy weird ideas before i come to my senses and think about more practical things. but some days i wish i didn't always have to come to my senses right before things could get interesting.
some days i catch myself dancing to music no one else can hear at work. and my coworkers will avert their eyes and look away as if strangeness is contagious.
some days i keep dancing anyway.
some days i'll stay up ridiculously late when i know i have to wake up early the next day. and although i always hate myself in the morning, i don't really consider this a bad way to spend my time.
some days i'll read my old diaries and blush at how naive i was. and then i have to wonder what i'll think about my current diary when i read it ten years from now.
some days i then contemplate burning all my diaries to ensure that no one, myself especially, can ever ever read them again.
some days i think i'm a cat person. other days i love dogs. and on rare days, a chia pet seems the best way to go.
some days, summer exhausts me much more than the school year ever could.
some days i get started with something and don't know how to stop, so i just leave it under-construction with a perpetual promise to return. and i never do.
and some days i am simply content to be where i am in life.
those are the best days.